Breath, While You Can
by Mseganof40s
Summary: Sometimes you forget to breath, when you're trying to forget everything else.


**This is a multi-chapter fic, (maybe it won't be if you dont review!)**

**Don't fav without reviewing, and i accept corrections.**

**Disclamer: If I owned Victorious, I would make sure evryone was a Bade shipper. (because if i own victorious i own the world)**

** VvVvVvV**

_I wonder if he'll notice_.

He always did. The scars on her back and wrist that she tried to cover up with long sleeved shirts and bracelet's. Patching tanned foundation on top of her porcelain skin. But now he can't touch her anymore. She's not his. He's not hers. And maybe she should fell more free now._ Inhale, exhale_. But in actuality she feels even more lonely than before. He can't touch her, and hold her, and tell her it's all okay. And even though his body is magnetic to hers she won't let him touch her. Because every time he does it makes it even more official that they're not together. She couldn't even talk to him anymore without feeling voids in her stomach and heart.

But shes Jade-freakin'-West. Arrogant and clogged up with self she looks at him with those eyes that just melt and mesh perfectly together with hers. But he doesn't love her. But maybe, just maybe she is still so in love with him that she doesn't want a reminder of what once was.

_**But she'll never admit that**__._

So she slides her frigid hands down to her forearms, even though she's wearing a long-sleeved shirt, and prays that no one notices her stone hard face, trying to hide her emotions as good as Beck does. She never learned how. She just built walls with anger and pain. But now she was tired of being angry. It was to much work playing the part without having someone she could rely on to love her for the rest of her life. She used to think it was Beck, but again he proved her wrong with his fake smiles and stupid lies.

She roams around the hallways, getting there awful early. It was better to get away from her dad then deal with his animosity towards her._Maybe I shouldn't be here_, she thought. And she probably shouldn't. She was never there before the rest of the gang and didn't feel like being bombarded with questions.

So she slid to the janitors closet being careful that mops and other cleaning supplies didn't fall. She checked the corner to see if the creepy janitor was asleep. When all was clear, she dropped to the floor cross-legged, digging her knees into her calves and her face in to her hands. She wasn't crying. She didn't know what to cry about. She inhaled and exhaled large, heavy breaths. She just wanted to forget to breath. To let loose of all that was making her "destroy" herself. She never thought to stop. _It's good for me_, she reasoned,_ I'm free of them all. Free of him_.But deep down she knew that wasn't true. She was hanging down on a string and he was still yanking on his rope of influence. If he asked her, just once, for her back it would be an automatic, "YES!". but shes in reality, and all those fantasies they were feeding on had just digested.

When she started to hear the steps of fellow students. She straitened her back._ Just breath, remember to breath._

So she shifted through the few students there, making her way to her locker. She couldn't help the feeling of glares she got, even though she knew it was just her imagination. It felt real. Now she was used to the things fake to feel real, and reality to be washed down by the waves of corruption and denial.

"Remember...steady." She has to whisper over and over again to herself. From short quick breaths, to wait-until-you-pass-out breaths, she was getting a little light-headed. It was so hard to breath right now. And so hard to think and remember that she has her whole life ahead of her to live her dreams, face her fears, and kick everyone's ass who doubted her. (And sometimes that seems like the whole world)

"Hey Jadey!" Jade turns to an amused Cat giggling out of control.

"Hey Cat." she mumbled, not really in the mood to deal with Cat's silly questions and statements. She loved the girl but today just wasnt her day.

"I was wondering why..." as Cat rants on Jade's mind doses off. She nods occasionally. All she hears is the ocean, and she thinks of a glistening sea engrossing her in it's pearl waves as she searches for air. That would be a beautiful way to die. The waves carrying her further and further away, till she fell asleep not to be awakened.

A frustrated Cat pouts and digs her heels into the floor. Shes used to this Jade now always dosing off. And she hates it, but she can see her sneakingly slipping away from all of this. From the light and the dark. Shes stuck in the middle. That's how Cat liked to think of it. She needed to pull her out. Sometimes she just wanted to shake her shoulders so hard that she'd have marks of her hands and wake her up. Jade wasn't broken. No, no. She never breaks. She just forgets.

So after a little thinking and reading, she settles on one question.

"Why are you here so early?" Jade draws her attention back to Cat. She was suddenly serious. she crossed her arms and tapped her foot on the ground involuntary.

"Hmm, Oh I-I wanted to work on a project." Jade slid one quick glance at Cat before walking past her to her first period calculus.

She knew that Cat knew she was lying but she didn't need that now. So she avoided Cat's glare.

(Possibly because it was real.)

** VvVvVv**

**Reveiws are really darling.**

**(and i know cat seems a little weird, but sometimes her stupidity is so hard to write.)**


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